


Little Miss & Mister Men

by allyndra



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Children's Literature, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Fusion with Roger Hargreaves Little Miss & Mister Men, Gen, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-12
Updated: 2008-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-07 05:03:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15901431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allyndra/pseuds/allyndra
Summary: This is a fusion, not a crossover, and it's written in the style of Roger Hargreaves books. There are four stories: Little Miss Helpful, Mr. Fussy, Little Miss Trouble, and Mr. Quiet





	1. Little Miss Helpful

**Author's Note:**

> The asterix (*) means the page is turning. Just so you know.
> 
> Posted on LJ in October 2008, added on AO3 in Spetember 2018 (backdated)

Little Miss Helpful was one of those people who loves to help other people, but who sometimes ends up helping no one.

Do you know what I mean?

Take, for instance, the time she tried to help her girlfriend feel happier.

*

Little Miss Helpful's girlfriend, Little Miss Shy, was angry because Little Miss Helpful was using magic to do all of her helping.

All the time.

So Little Miss Helpful decided to help her girlfriend forget about being so angry. 

Can you guess how she did it?

That's right. 

She used magic.

*

As you can imagine, Little Miss Shy was even angrier once she found out about Little Miss Helpful's magical helping. 

But did this stop Little Miss Helpful?

It did not. 

She tried the magic again, and this time she made everyone forget about being angry.

And about everything else!

They didn't even remember their own names. 

After this, Little Miss Shy was angrier than ever.

As you can imagine.

Little Miss Helpful tried to stop her magical helping, but soon she would see another problem and try to help.

*

A few years ago there was a BIG problem, and Little Miss Helpful's magical helping actually worked. 

She made it so that, instead of one Slayer working alone, there were hundreds of Slayers.

All over the world. 

Her friends were very pleased with her, and they thanked her for helping.

Little Miss Helpful felt like she was ten feet tall!

She decided to help some more.

*

Little Miss Helpful looked around for a problem that she could help with. 

She checked to be sure that her friends were happy enough.

But they were.

She checked to be sure that the new Slayers were being trained well enough.

But they were.

"Hmph!" 

Little Miss Helpful was starting to think there were no problems for her to help with.

*

Just before Little Miss Helpful was about to give up, she heard a loud noise.

She went to investigate.

To see if she could help.

It was two of the new Slayers. 

Now, there were so many new Slayers, that they didn't have their own rooms.

They had to share.

The noise Little Miss Helpful had heard was the noise of two young Slayers fighting over whose turn it was to control the television.

At the top of their lungs.

And the top of a Slayer's lungs is a very loud place indeed!

*

Little Miss Helpful looked at the fighting Slayers and decided to help.

Magically, of course.

She got her herbs and crystals.

She got her spellbooks and candles.

She was all ready to cast her helpful spell.

Little Miss Helpful lit the candles, burned the herbs, breathed on her crystal, and said some magic words, which wouldn't be magic if I told you what they were. 

POOF!

"There!" Little Miss Helpful said, dusting off her hands. "I'm sure that helped."

*

Little Miss Helpful went to see if the young Slayers were still fighting, but she didn't hear any yelling.

Only quiet murmurs.

She smiled proudly.

She loved helping!

Little Miss Helpful walked around the house where the Slayers lived, and she didn't hear any fighting or arguing or complaining from any of the girls.

She had helped even more than she'd thought.

*

Little Miss Helpful was having breakfast the next morning when her friends, Little Miss Bossy and Mr. Clumsy, came to see her.

She offered them some toast and coffee.

Which is what she was having for breakfast.

"We have a problem," Mr. Clumsy said, bumping into the table.

Little Miss Helpful smiled. 

A problem meant she could help.

"All of the young Slayers are spending all of their time in their rooms together," said Little Miss Bossy. "I told them to come out, but they just stayed there."

"And when we looked inside," said Mr. Clumsy, "we saw that they were kissing. Each other. Which was hot, but doesn't help them patrol."

"Oops!" said Little Miss Helpful.

*

"What do you mean, 'Oops'?' demanded Little Miss Bossy.

"I saw the Slayers arguing, and I wanted to help them get along. So I did a spell," explained Little Miss Helpful.

"Well, it looks like they're getting along a little too well," smirked Mr. Clumsy.

"Don't worry," said Little Miss Helpful, "I can help."

*

Little Miss Helpful got out her herbs and crystals, spellbooks and candles.

Just like before.

She got everything ready, and she said some magic words, which wouldn't be magic if I told you what they were.

POOF!

Little Miss Bossy said, "Let's go see if the spell worked."

So Little Miss Helpful, Mr. Clumsy, and Little Miss Bossy all went to see if the Slayers had stopped getting along quite so well.

*

When they got to the Slayer House, the three friends found a lot of young Slayers with very red faces. 

But a few of the Slayers didn't have red faces.

Instead, they had big smiles.

Little Miss Helpful had to apologize to the blushing Slayers for trying to help.

She didn't apologize to the smiling Slayers.

She just said, "Glad I could help!"

*

Little Miss Bossy and Mr. Clumsy were pleased that the spell had been broken.

But they weren't pleased with Little Miss Helpful.

Not at all!

They told Little Miss Helpful that it wasn't fair to do spells on people without asking permission first.

Even if she really wanted to help.

Little Miss Helpful agreed to be more careful about her helping in the future.

*

A few weeks later, Little Miss Helpful noticed that the Slayer House was getting messy.

There were stakes and swords and clothes and pizza boxes all over the tables.

And the floors.

And the beds.

It was very messy indeed!

Little Miss Helpful looked around at the mess and said, "Maybe I could help!"

She started to look for her spellbooks.

But then she thought.

*

And she got out a broom instead.


	2. Mr. Fussy

Have you heard the phrase 'neat as a pin?'

Well, Mr. Fussy's house was as neat as two pins.

And his office was as neat as three pins.

Even his garden was neat and tidy.

*

Most other people weren't as concerned with keeping things as neat and tidy as Mr. Fussy.

In fact, no one was as concerned with keeping things as neat and tidy as Mr. Fussy.

"Fussy old Fusspot," other people called him.

Behind his back, that is. 

Mr. Fussy heard them, anyway.

But he didn't stop being fussy.

*

Mr. Fussy was so tidy, he re-alphabetized his book shelves twice a day.

Every day.

Mr. Fussy was so clean, he washed his 'Kiss the Librarian' mug four times a day.

Every day.

Mr. Fussy was so neat, he polished his spectacles twenty-five times a day.

Every day!

*

Mr. Fussy worked for a very important organization.

The Watcher's Council.

They stopped apocalypses and trained Slayers and researched prophecies. 

Mr. Fussy worked at the headquarters of the Watcher's Council, which was in a big stone building with stone lions outside the doors.

In London.

*

An important organization like the Watcher's Council needs someone extraordinarily organized to run it. 

Someone neat and tidy, who knows how to alphabetize.

This was Mr. Fussy's job, and it suited him down to the ground.

And up to the sky.

*

Some of the best things about Mr. Fussy's job were the friends he had made while working at it.

For years, he had worked for the Watcher's Council as a Watcher for the Slayer.

Little Miss Bossy.

She and her friends had grown up helping Mr. Fussy, and Mr. Fussy was very glad to have them as part of the Council.

But.

Even though he loved them, he still fussed at their messes and mistakes.

Even though they loved him, they still called him 'Fussy old Fusspot.'

*

One day, Mr. Fussy had just finished his breakfast.

Eggs and toast.

He was busy tidying up the breakfast things. 

He had already washed the eggshells and polished the table, and he was scrubbing his plate.

With a toothbrush.

That's when he heard a knock at the door.

Mr. Fussy put the plate and toothbrush neatly in the sink and went to see who it could be.

*

As Mr. Fussy walked to the door, he could hear noises coming from outside.

It sounded like giggles and thumps.

He opened the door and peeked out.

He was being careful, just in case there was something messy outside.

And do you know what?

There was.

*

Standing on Mr. Fussy's doorstep were two people he liked very much, but whom he never wanted to see on his doorstep.

Mr. Clumsy and Little Miss Curious.

When they saw Mr. Fussy, they grinned happily.

"Hello, Mr. Fussy!" they said.

"We've come to stay with you."

Mr. Fussy groaned.

*

Mr. Clumsy and Little Miss Curious looked at Mr. Fussy with concern.

"Are you sick, Fussy?" Little Miss Curious asked, her blue eyes crinkled with worry.

"Let us help you out, there, Fuss-man," said Mr. Clumsy, his single brown eye crinkled with worry.

They moved to help Mr. Fussy into the house, and Mr. Clumsy tripped over his shoelaces.

In doing so, he knocked both Mr. Fussy and Little Miss Curious to the floor.

Oof!

Bending over to help them up, he lost his balance and stumbled into a flowerpot.

It broke into hundreds of little pieces.

"Sorry about that," Mr. Clumsy said.

*

Eventually, Mr. Fussy, Mr. Clumsy, and Little Miss Curious all got into the house.

He led them to the sitting room.

"Cool! What's this?" Little Miss Curious asked, darting over to a large trunk that sat in the corner.

"Please don't open that!" Mr. Fussy started to say.

But he only got as far as "Please don't," because she had already opened it.

As soon as the lid lifted on the trunk, swarms of small imps poured out and ran all over the room. 

It took hours to capture them all and get them back in the trunk.

Mr. Fussy was exhausted. 

And it wasn't even lunch time.

*

The day after that, Mr. Clumsy slipped getting out of the bath and cracked the mirror. 

And pulled the door off the cupboard. 

And broke the towel stand.

The day after that, Little Miss Curious was looking through Mr. Fussy's private book shelves. 

Even though she wasn't supposed to.

She read an incantation she found there, just to see what happened. 

What happened was, a kobold appeared above her head. 

The kobold cut Little Miss Curious' long brown hair and scattered strands all over the polished wood floors, then went to the kitchen and played in the flour.

*

It went on like this for the rest of the week. 

Neither Mr. Clumsy nor Little Miss Curious meant to cause any problems. 

They just couldn't help it.

Even though his guests helped to clean up their messes, Mr. Fussy was worn out by the end of their visit.

At the end of the week, Mr. Clumsy took his bag and left to return to work.

Finding and training Slayers.

Little Miss Curious left to return to university.

Reading history and ancient languages.

*

Mr. Fussy sat in his house and listened to the quiet.

He polished his floors and they stayed polished.

He folded towels and they stayed folded. 

He should have been happy.

But he wasn't. 

He was bored. 

And lonely.

*

The next night, Mr. Fussy was up late ironing his shoelaces when he heard a knock at the door.

He looked out, and saw a small mischievous figure dressed all in black.

Mr. Mischief.

"Oi, Watcher!" Mr. Mischief said.

"I've come to stay."

Mr. Fussy groaned.

*

But he also smiled.


	3. Little Miss Trouble

People used to say, "Here comes trouble."

Do you know who they were talking about?

That's right.

Little Miss Trouble.

She'd been causing trouble for a very long time. 

*

Once she'd been a nice little girl. 

But she got tired of being scared.

She got tired of worrying about what other people thought.

And most of all, Little Miss Trouble got tired of being blamed for things she hadn't done. 

So she decided to do them.

*

Little Miss Trouble wouldn't have to be afraid anymore, because she would be tough.

Tough as nails.

And she wouldn't have to worry about what people thought.

They would think she was trouble.

And that was fine with Little Miss Trouble.

*

Think of the naughtiest thing you ever did. 

Little Miss Trouble did that.

And when she finished, she laughed and did it again. 

That's how much trouble she was.

*

Little Miss Trouble stole and killed and hurt people who wanted to help her.

Things were working out just how Little Miss Trouble had planned.

People thought she was tough, and people thought she was trouble.

And Little Miss Trouble was blamed for nearly every bad thing under the sun.

And the moon!

But she wasn't happy.

She had no friends and no family.

So she decided to change.

*

Changing wasn't easy.

In fact, it was the hardest thing Little Miss Trouble had ever done in her entire life. 

It was so hard, in fact, that she let herself be locked up in prison so she would have fewer chances to be naughty.

She had help, though.

Mr. Worry.

He had been bad once, too, so he knew what it was like. 

Mr. Worry sometimes went to visit Little Miss Trouble in prison, to talk to her.

*

One day, Little Miss Trouble got broken out of jail.

Which is against the rules.

As you can imagine.

Even though she had broken such an important rule, Little Miss Trouble tried hard to be good. 

But naughtiness was so tempting and trouble was so much fun.

You really can't blame her for pulling a few pranks, now can you?

Little Miss Bossy and Mr. Fussy certainly could.

*

Little Miss Bossy didn't think it was funny at all when Little Miss Trouble filled her shower head with green slime. 

Little Miss Bossy was very angry indeed.

She was also very green.

Mr. Fussy didn't think it was funny when Little Miss Funny put false snakes in his desk.

He was so startled he jumped nearly to the ceiling. 

Once he was back on the floor, he was quite angry as well.

*

Little Miss Trouble was frustrated and sad. 

She wanted to have friends who liked her, but she also wanted to cause trouble and have fun.

She didn't know what to do.

One night while she was fighting demons with a still angry Little Miss Bossy, Little Miss Trouble had an idea.

A wonderful idea.

A wonderful, clever, naughty idea.

*

Little Miss Trouble's wonderful, clever, naughty idea was very simple.

She would cause trouble for demons and bad guys.

If her enemies were the targets of her pranks, her friends wouldn't be angry at her.

Snickering quietly, Little Miss Trouble stayed up all night making plans.

*

On Monday, Little Miss Trouble set her plans in motion.

She snuck into a house where a nest of vampires lived.

During the day, while they were asleep.

Grinning wickedly, Little Miss Trouble balanced buckets of holy water on top of every door in the house.

When the vampires started moving around the house that night, they opened the doors.

Down fell the buckets.

Splash went the holy water.

Poof went the vampires.

*

On tuesday, Little Miss Trouble heard about a young man who had been kidnapped for a ceremony to make the world end.

Some demons needed a virgin to dance in their circle.

Little Miss Trouble found out where they were holding the young man, but she didn't let him go.

Instead, she made sure he wasn't a virgin anymore.

The demons held their ceremony, and the young man danced.

But the world didn't end.

The demons were confused, the young man was satisfied, and Little Miss Trouble was gleeful.

Causing trouble had never been so much fun!

*

On Wednesday, an evil warlock went on television and threatened the town. 

He said he would hurt all the children if people didn't obey him.

Little Miss Trouble crept into the evil warlock's lair.

She hid speakers in every nook and cranny she could find.

And Little Miss Trouble could find lots of nooks and crannies!

When the evil warlock came home, all he could hear was disco music.

Everywhere in his lair.

Disco music.

On Thursday, the warlock went on television to surrender.

*

Little Miss Trouble is finally happy.

She has friends who like her and spend time with her.

She is good at her job as a Slayer.

When she walks by, the demons say, "Here comes trouble."

And do you know what?

*

They're right.


	4. Mr. Quiet

Most people like to talk.

In fact, if you allow it, many people will talk about themselves all day long.

And into the night.

Do you know people like that?

I thought you might.

Mr. Quiet isn't one of those people.

*

Mr. Quiet isn't shy, as you might think.

In fact, he is quite sure of himself. 

He just chooses not to talk.

Mr. Quiet is very good at not talking. 

He can say more with one word than some people can say with a hundred.

*

Mr. Quiet could tell an entire story in two words.

And he had. 

The words were "Got bit."

Mr. Quiet could win an argument with no words at all.

And he had.

He smashed the components for the spell about which the others were arguing.

*

Once, Mr. Quiet went for three whole days without saying a single word. 

This didn't mean he didn't communicate, though.

Mr. Quiet shrugged and raised his eyebrows to show what he meant.

He had very talented eyebrows.

And he had an entire wardrobe of shrugs.

*

Mr. Quiet had been gone for a very long time. 

He'd been on a trip.

Around the world.

And back again.

When he returned from his trip, he went to visit Little Miss Helpful.

Who had been his girlfriend once.

While he was there, he also visited Little Miss Bossy and Mr. Clumsy

*

For the first few days, Mr. Quiet spoke much more than usual.

He told stories about his travels.

He asked questions about his friends' lives.

But then it happened.

Mr. Quiet ran out of things to talk about.

He went back to being quiet.

*

Mr. Quiet's friends had gotten used to hearing him speak.

When he stopped talking, they worried that something was wrong.

They had a meeting about it at the Slayer House. 

*

"Maybe Mr. Quiet is lonely," Little Miss Helpful suggested. "He's been alone for a long time."

"Maybe Mr. Quiet is sad," said Mr. Clumsy, spilling juice on his shirt.

"Whatever the reason," said Little Miss Bossy, "it's our duty to make things right."

All three friends nodded.

They put their heads together and worked on a plan to get Mr. Quiet to talk.

*

The next day, Little Miss Helpful went to the room where Mr. Quiet was staying.

"Come have coffee with me," Little Miss Helpful suggested.

Mr. Quiet shrugged and joined Little Miss Helpful for coffee. 

"It's hard to make friends now that we're older," Little Miss Helpful observed. "Have you been feeling lonely?"

Mr. Quiet raised an eyebrow. 

"Have you?" he asked.

"Now that you mention it, I have," said Little Miss Helpful.

And she spent the next hour and a half talking about herself.

*

The day after that, Little Miss Bossy asked Mr. Quiet to come on patrol with her.

She planned to get her friend to talk in the lulls between vampires.

But Mr. Quiet was too smart for her.

He foiled her plot with two words.

Do you want to know what they were?

"Nice shoes."

Little Miss Bossy spent the rest of patrol talking about shoes, where to buy them, and ways she could use them as weapons.

*

The next day, it was Mr. Clumsy's turn.

He didn't have a big plan. 

He just asked Mr. Quiet to hang out.

He thought if Mr. Quiet started to have fun, he might start to talk.

The two men watched a movie, read comic books, and played video games.

They had a great time.

But they didn't talk.

*

On the fourth day, Little Miss Bossy, Mr. Clumsy, and Little Miss Helpful had another meeting.

They all reported the same thing

No luck.

The three friends were unhappy to have failed. 

Their faces were so long, someone could have tripped on them.

Though no one did.

"I know what might help!" said Little Miss Helpful. 

"Let's have a party."

*

The next day, they called up everyone they could think of and invited them to a party.

A 'Welcome Back' party for Mr. Quiet.

By three o'clock, the guests started arriving. 

There was food and punch and music and laughter.

It was a wonderful party.

The only thing missing was Mr. Quiet.

*

Mr. Quiet had been surprised by the party.

To say the least.

He had been happy to see so many friends, but something was bothering him.

After spending so much time alone on his trip, Mr. Quiet was overwhelmed by all the people.

He snuck out of the party and climbed a tall hill nearby.

He looked up at the big, round moon and smiled. 

Mr. Quiet pulled the beads from his wrist and concentrated for a moment.

For the rest of the night, a large wolf lay on the hillside.

*

Enjoying the quiet.


End file.
